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"Please provide the date of your death." - from an IRS letter

"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes." - Richard (Dicky) Nixon

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" - Lee Iacocca

"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on." - Samuel Goldwyn

Helpful Warnings: "CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children"

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman." - Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." - Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly." - Batman costume warning label

"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others." - Gerry Brown

 

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." - Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally." - Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything." - Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents." - George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."- Dwight Eisenhower

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate." -- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." -- Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, Calif.)

"You read what Disraeli had to say. I don't remember what he said. He said something. He's no longer with us." -- Bob Dole

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl." -- Marion Barry

"You can't just let nature run wild." -- Wally Hickel, former governor of Alaska

"The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45." -- Mike Murphy, adviser to Lamar Alexander

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity." -- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

"I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible?" -- President Bush, in a note to to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a U.N. Security Council meeting, September 14, 2005

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