"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others." - Gerry Brown

All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband. -  Marie (When Harry Met Sally)

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Let's start with a funny collection of some "How To" jokes and guides:
How to be annoying during a meeting
How to recognise you're getting older & others

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?". The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

Yo Mama so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go.